Originally intended to simply focus on book reviews, over time, KaliDesautelsReads has morphed into its own entity.
I write about issues that are near to my heart, be they political, feminist, motherhood, mental health, or, as the title holds, books.
A thirty-something Canadian woman in my mid-thirties, I have been “super married” to my high school sweetheart since 2006, and together we have two crazy, clever, kind, hilarious, wonderful kids.
My first book – How Not To Blog: Finding Myself, One Post at a Time is available on Amazon (in eBook formats for you clever tech readers, and paperback for those of us who love that new book smell!)
I have tried a podcast – it’s still on Apple and Google Podcasts – but writing is where my heart is.
My life changed dramatically when my husband was diagnosed with Stage 3 cancer in 2018, and I am now a writer for a leading Canadian Cancer Non-Profit.
I am lucky enough to have a family that loves me and pushes me to be my best, even if it is outside of my cushiony comfort zone. I have a village of friends that nourish me, mentally, and spiritually.
Welcome to my thoughts. Sit down. Stay a while. Enjoy a cup of coffee!
I pulled out my Rae Dunn #Feminist mug for the first time in a while.
It’s important when you are an obsessive coffee mug collector to rotate your options once in a while, so the mugs shoved to the back don’t get lonely. 😉
There have been a lot of situations in the news lately from all over the globe, including the clawing back of Roe v. Wade in the US, digital sex crimes in South Korea, the global rise in violence against women and femicide during the pandemic, the ongoing forced sterilization of some Indigenous women in Canada, that made me pull out the mug and remind myself that the world needs feminism and feminists. The world needs us to speak up and speak out.
For me, the daily reminder in my cup cupboard can be a helpful reminder to stay up to date in the news and to not forget that when we get tired we rest, but we don’t quit. (To paraphrase one of my #WCEs Hillary Rodham Clinton.)
It has been one crazy week (month? Year? Life?) over here, with the main floor as empty as a tomb to make room for restoration.
We have wonderful neighbours that helped us clear out and loaned us their garage as a storage venue for our furniture, and we have this great kid who decided to give his poor ol’ mama and dad a hand.
It turns out that this space is his favourite thing in the world right now! He has been using it as a gym, an Oculus/VR stadium, a quiet place, and the home of the World Famous Potato Roll (don’t worry, no actual potatoes were harmed in the making of the Potato Roll).
Who knew the best way to make an 11 year old happy was to strip the living room of all of its furniture???
It has been one crazy week (month? Year? Life?) over here, with the main floor as empty as a tomb to make room for restoration.
We have wonderful neighbours that helped us clear out and loaned us their garage as a storage venue for our furniture, and we have this great kid who decided to give his poor ol’ mama and dad a hand.
It turns out that this space is his favourite thing in the world right now! He has been using it as a gym, an Oculus/VR stadium, a quiet place, and the home of the World Famous Potato Roll (don’t worry, no actual potatoes were harmed in the making of the Potato Roll).
Who knew the best way to make an 11 year old happy was to strip the living room of all of its furniture???
I hope you are moving through the ongoing pandemic with grace and strength.
I hope you are finding joy in little things.
I hope that you and your loved ones have reached this point as unscathed as possible.
I hope you are safe.
Me? I’m ok. Not great. Not terrible, but ok.
The past few months have not been the best, but compared to what some people have gone through? It’s ok.
Ever since I was first diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder at 13, I have wonderful periods of remission and general good health. Luckily, while my husband was going through cancer treatment, and I lost my job and all the other things that made up 2019 in my life, my body stayed together to the best of its ability.
Then it just stopped. The first weekend of April saw the start of what has now been months of daily migraines, and other symptoms that have led the doctors to explore the likelihood that I have developed another autoimmune disorder.
The good thing is that I am already able to work from home, I have a supportive team of friends, family, and colleagues who have made things as easy as possible; supporting and accommodating me.
But the last few weeks have been hard – I took a social media break to give myself time to focus on one thing at a time, but feeling awful I have managed to flood my home to the extent that I need restoration, I had a minor surgery and diagnostic procedures, I have a kid who is getting ready for high school, a kid who was certified gifted on top of his long-since diagnosed ADHD, I have a cat who has reached the age where he is no longer continent, and a million other little things that when looked at individually seem like no big deal, but taken all at once becomes a burden that I am not managing well.
I am not sharing this as a woe-is-me, because as I said, many people are going through ever so much worse.
I am sharing this to explain my long absence from a blog that I spent years building up and had finally begun to see traction on.
I am sharing this for other people with invisible illnesses who find themselves falling out of remission.
Some people have a nightcap. Some people have a bedtime snack. Some people have a cup of tea. Some people have a cocktail.
I’m amongst the cocktail crew, but my cocktail is a mix of prescription, over the counter, and homeopathic meds that create a nearly-perfect balance to keep my various neurological, autoimmune, and mental illnesses at bay.
If you count them, there are 16 pills in the palm of my hand. Each and every one serving its own purpose, with a goal to wake up semi-rested in the morning. Dave sent me a meme once of Mr Burns from The Simpsons where all of his illnesses were propping each other up, and that letting any one of them take over would mean certain death. It made me laugh because that’s how I imagine this handful of pills – each one doing it’s specific job, allowing the next one to do it’s job, and between the lot of them, finding something resembling balance that lets me carry on with my life.
Questions asked of a person who takes this many pills:
Why do you need that many?
Aren’t you worried that you will come to depend on them for your health?
Don’t you think you would get the same results with just yoga or meditation or exercise?
Exercise is the best pain relief and anti anxiety medication! Have you tried running?
These questions are all well-meant but they are also annoy AF. Yes, of course I think I take too many! Yes, I do believe that I am dependent on drugs like levothyroxine and duloxetine to produce chemicals that my body cannot. Yes, I do think homeopathy and meditation and yoga and exercise and drinking more water are all important elements to a healthy mind/body/soul.
Which is why the 16 pills in my hand are made up of all different layers of health care from OTC to pharma to homeopathic. And it is why I am sharing this here – to release the stigma of pain and illness management.
I am not ashamed of my medication and I don’t want anyone else to feel ashamed of theirs. Medication was created for a reason, and our bodies cannot always be depended upon to do what we need.
There is no shame in seeking professional medical and naturopathic advice. Help helps heal.
I am having my favourite Body Love by Kelly LeVeque Almond Green Smoothie!
What is virtue signalling? “The action or practice of publicly expressing opinions or sentiments intended to demonstrate one’s good character or the moral correctness of one’s position on a particular position” – Oxford English Dictionary
This morning, I woke up at a reasonable time and made myself a green smoothie, but this is the first time in weeks that I have done so. I have been eating nearly nothing for weeks, feeling too sick to even attempt to swallow food, and when I did it? I guarantee it was a protein bar, or a protein shake because it was easy and not so hard on my system.
But if you only look through my Instagram, you might be led to believe that all that I eat are healthy snack, smoothies, and coffee. The only thing that is true? The coffee. I mostly drink the coffee.
So when you are scrolling and feel bad that you do not do all the things all the time, just remember that a good portion of the posts that make you feel that way are virtue signalling. We, as creators, want to present ourselves in the best way possible, and a lot of that revolves around demonstrating how we parent/eat/exercise/decorate/activate/organize in the “right” way.
You are enough as you are. I don’t care if you are drinking a smoothie with grass in it, or a Shamrock Shake – you are enough. You do not need to be perfect, you just need to be you.
Happy birthday to my baby sister! 33 years ago, I was sooooo excited to find out that my wish for a sister had been granted. I remember being in Memere and Grampa’s Rec Room in the basement, standing front of the fireplace and jumping up and down with Ty that you were here! We called you the Bunny Baby because you came on Easter weekend.
I remember when you were little and you would come running to me to brush your hair because mom “pulled too hard”. I remember how you would stamp your little foot when you were frustrated. I remember the summer of all of the screenings of The Black Pearl, where I would hide my eyes until you told me the ghosts were gone. I remember making you do “photo shoots” because you have always been so darn cute and photogenic. I remember escaping the stinky duck on the Seine and filming a “travel documentary” on the side of the river instead. I remember talking to your pregnant belly to tell B to hurry up because I was waiting for him. I remember you coming to the hospital at 1am the night S was born, even though you were a new mom who was in school, to meet her.
In 33 years, we have fought, and chatted, and giggled, and imagined, and planned, like, well like sisters. Over the years, we have taken turns with needing comfort. Now I come to you with questions and anxieties. I admire your wisdom, wit, and perseverance. I love your spirit, and magic, and the wonderfulness that is you. I love that you challenge me to do better when I can, and tell me it’s ok to just be when I need to. I love that you are clever and creative and the way that you can illuminate ideas and make connections and identify knowledge gaps. I love that you still let me proofread your papers, and text to ask about a misplaced comma. I love that even though we are on opposite ends of the country that we have weekly dates and that you spend your time actively maintaining your friendship with my kids.
Most of all, I love you. I love that we send each gifs, and speak in movie quotes, and I love that you are my sister.
Happy birthday, Babe. I hope your second COVID birthday is better than the first one! Enjoy your clotted cream!
Years ago I learned how to cook, by watching the Food Network while nursing my daughter. I enjoyed cooking and trying new things, and feeding my family. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ And then one day, I just felt overwhelmed and gave up trying new things, resorting to the standards and slapdash meals, every so often hitting on a meal that was yummy. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ A few months ago, I started trying to get a hold on my messy home, and my finances, and have begun to have success. Then I started working on my mental health, and revisiting things that make me happy. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ So I tried making cinnamon buns for my kids. From scratch, for the first time. I should mention I do not usually do anything involving bread, or kneading, or rising, or resting… patience is not my strong suit. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ But these? They turned out! A bit over cooked, a bit too brown on the top, but good enough to make my kids happy. Definitely not burnt. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Satisfyingly complete. A reminder that there is something so pleasing about making something from start to finish. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ What makes you happy?
Kali J Desautels 