Kali J Desautels

What have I learned in the last year and a half?

I have learned to listen to my energy stores. I have learned to focus on the things that give me energy. I have learned to focus on the people and things that feel like wise energy outputs. I have learned who I can talk to about what, and who I cannot. I have learned that money is energy and where I spend my money is a reflection of my values. I have learned that a clean, uncluttered home restores my energy. I have learned that I need fresh air, and nature. I have learned that there is a difference between self-improvement and changing oneself to fit in. I have learned that if I can manage pigeon and frog pose, I can manage anything. I have learned that taking advice is not mandatory and can be adapted to fit my needs. I have learned that I know and love my family because of our differences, not despite them. I learned that I have the right and also the responsibility to respect myself. I have learned that I can live with less, and in fact thrive with less. I have learned that I stronger, bravery, and more patient than I thought I was. I have learned that my kids’ happiness is a direct reflection of my own. I have learned that I still know how to put my hand up when I think I have the answer. Most of all, I have learned that I have to spend my energy wisely in order to survive both good and hard times; and that those two things are not mutually exclusive. Things can be good AND can be hard.

#spendyourenergy #energy #energyiseverything #spoonielife #spoons #brave #strongwomen #strongmoms #bebravebeyou #yoga #yogaposes #breathe #grounding #thebest #myfamily❤️ #lovemyfamily #kalidesautelsreads

Happy birthday, Mommy. The 3rd quarantine birthday in our family, and I wish I could be there to give you a big hug. We’ll have so many hugs when this is all over. In the mean time, I present the mushy birthday post!

Thank you for being my mom. Thank you for holding my hand when things suck and singing loudly to Elton John choruses when we don’t know the refrain. Thank you for laughing with me, and teaching my kids to sew. Thank you for helping me survive the last year. Who am I kidding? Thank you for helping me survive the last 37 years. Thank you for believing in me, even when I didn’t believe in myself. Thank you for being more than a grandmother to my kiddos. Thank you for teaching me that you’re never too old to love Disneyland. Thank you for everything. I love you so much, and when this is all over, I will come and give you your birthday hug! But for now – I love you, mommy. Happy birthday! 🍰

#mommy #happybirthday #happybirthdaymom #quarantine #hawaii #oahu #pacificocean #loveyou #birthday #thankyou #love #covid19 #mommydaughtertime #happybirthdaytoyou #memere #kalidesautelsreads

You know what I would love? I would love to be able to tell you that since the cancer was removed he is totally fine. I would love to give you an update on the magical life that he is able to live after his treatments. I would love to be able to tell you that he is thriving and getting along better than ever.

I could post this and say something about what a great husband he is to make dinner for us, and you would think “yeah, well, he wants to eat doesn’t he? It’s not your job to feed him!”

What you don’t see is that this really is a labour of love. Sitting up, or standing, or lifting things, or even the simple act of eating are so strenuous on his body, it is like asking him to run a marathon and lift weights, rather than simply feeding his family. This is him, doing what he can, while he can, to show up for his family. After this, he quietly ate a small plate of the dinner, then went back to his space in the basement and was consumed by pain for the next 5 hours. Preparing the meal and eating it had taken so much out of him. What you don’t see is the confusion at how he could be so consumed by pain months after he is meant to be healed.

What I hope you see is love. What I hope you see is that we are all struggling. What I hope you see is that this is why you are safe in your homes. What I hope you see is the reason that we cannot walk together and go for coffee. Because one day, I would love to give that update. One day I would love to tell you about the magical life he is leading after his recovery.

#cancer #postcancerlife #love #goodfood #makegoodfoodca #chronicillness #chronicpain #chronicpainwarrior #quarantinekitchen #covid #helphim #myman❤️ #lovemyhusband #kalidesautelsreads #stagethreestudio #follow #loop

Sometimes I just miss you. Sometimes a memory will make me smile to think of you. Sometimes I feel you with me, or smell your old leather jacket, and a hint of WD-40, musk, and you. I can’t hear you in my head anymore. I really, really want to. I know what you sound like, but I can’t hear it. There’s a difference, trust me. Sometimes I am OK. Sometimes I’m really, really not. When you left, I drove home screaming for you to come back. Even then I knew it wasn’t possible, but I couldn’t stop screaming for you. Dave drove behind me to make sure I got home safely. I don’t scream for you anymore. Not out loud anyway. I still cry for you though. Sometimes I can go months without being overcome by grief. Sometimes it comes in waves and breaks over me. It’s easier on those days to just let it come. I know you wouldn’t want me to cry, but I do. I know you would understand. You’re not here anymore, and you’re everywhere all the time. You’re Oreo cookies and coffee and lilac bushes and resting my eyes and parallel parking and blue-grey eyes and slapstick comedy and filming my kids and Blue Christmas and Mahalia Jackson. You’re airplanes and Hawaiian sunsets and scratched metal measuring tapes. You’re my hand cupping my chin when I’m thinking and thick hair and silent belly laughs and hockey skates on ice. You’re spare change rattling in my pocket and the smell of Canadian Tire and taking a trip to the hardware store.

I liked to be your girl. I still like to be your girl. I am old enough to know that I will always miss you. I will never go a single day without thinking of you. I don’t think April 21st will ever be anything but Grampa’s birthday. I hope that you are sitting down and enjoying your cake. I hope that you know that we are remembering you. All of you. Fixing the dishwasher, having a hot water in the “zapper” for 90 seconds, teasing every child and animal you came in contact with, driving with both feet on an automatic, coming up with logical solutions, wearing your heavy black shoes, giving scratchy good night kisses. I love you. We all love you.

“Weather man said it’s gonna snow
By now I should be used to the cold
Mid-February shouldn’t be so scary
It was only December
I still remember the presents, the tree, you and me
But you went away
How dare you, I miss you
They say I’ll be OK
But I’m not going to ever get over you
Living alone here in this place
I think of you, and I’m not afraid
Your favorite records make me feel better
‘Cause you sing along with every song
I know you didn’t mean to give them to me
But you went away
How dare you, I miss you
They say I’ll be OK
But I’m not going to ever get over you
It really sinks in, you know
When I see it in stone
‘Cause you went away,
How dare you, I miss you
They say I’ll be OK
But I’m not going to ever get over you.” ~ Miranda Lambert

“Kindness is loaning someone your strength instead of reminding them of their weakness.” ~ Andy Stanley

We all suck. And we all rock. We all have shame. And we all have pride. We are all human.

It’s so easy to try to make yourself feel better by pointing out how someone is failing worse than you are. For a moment you get that delicious moment of smugness… right before you walk into a door that says pull, instead of push.

As you get up and furtively look around to see if someone is looking, remember that we all fail at things. All of us do. It’s just being human. When you choose to find pleasure in someone else failing, you are choosing meanness and smallness, because kicking someone when they are already down doesn’t make you the stronger, “better” person – it makes you a bully. Yes – like it or not, even as adults we can be bullies.

Next time, choose to be kind. Choose to share your strength, because I guarantee that no matter how it seems on the outside, that person is struggling hard, and already knows the flaws that you so generously pointed out.

#andystanley #quotes #strength #kindess #liftup #quoteoftheday #qotd #bekind #bullying #wereallhuman #youliveyoulearn #tuesday #motivation #love #pinkpinkpink #greenaesthetic #navyblue #yellowaesthetic #kalidesautelsreads #looper #looping#loveyourself

It’s Monday, and this past weekend was very sad one in Canada, as a wanton mass murderer took to the streets in Nova Scotia, killing Constable Heidi Stevenson, and at least 17 others, before his own death. This message is not about him. This message is about the people he killed, and the lives taken. He will not be named here.

Even in a time when we are all safely in our homes, gun violence violence is still present. Even in a country with stricter gun laws, gun violence is still present. How does this happen? How can we say guns don’t kill people, when we see evidence every single day of gun violence? How can we say guns don’t kill people when double the number of people were murdered in one day than Nova Scotia usually sees in a whole year?

Heidi Stevenson was a veteran of the RCMP. She was a mother to 2 children. She had a husband. She had friends and family and colleagues. She had a life spent protecting Canadians. She died trying to protect Canadians. She is a hero, and she should be honoured as such. Let’s show her family that we are taking their loss seriously. Let’s do better. Let’s take back the guns that do not need to be out there. Let’s do more than think and pray for her.

#hero #rcmp #gunviolence #novascotia #thoughtsandprayersarenotenough #mentalhealth #notonemore #canada #canadian #guncontrol #honourher #heroes #protect #truenorth #strongandfree #kalidesautelsreads #loop #loops #looper #followloops

“Sappy pathetic little me
That was the girl I used to be
You had me on my knees
I’d trade you places any day
I’d never thought you could be that way
But you looked like me on Sunday
You came in with the breeze
On Sunday morning
You sure have changed since yesterday
Without any warning
I thought I knew you
I thought I knew you
I thought I knew you well, so well
You’re trying my shoes on for a change
They look so good but fit so strange
Out of fashion, so I can complain
You came in with the breeze
On Sunday morning
You sure have changed since yesterday
Without any warning
I thought I knew you
I thought I knew you
I thought I knew you well, so well
I know who I am, but who are you?
You’re not looking like you used to
You’re on the other side of the mirror
So nothing’s looking quite as clear
Thank you for turning on the lights
Thank you, now you’re the parasite
I didn’t think you had it in you
And now you’re looking like I used to!
You came in with the breeze
On Sunday morning
You sure have changed since yesterday
Without any warning
And you want me badly
Because you cannot have me
I thought I knew you
But I’ve got a new view
I thought I knew you well, oh well
On Sunday morning
And I don’t want it
Sunday morning
I thought I knew you
Sunday morning
Oh you want me badly
Can have it
Sunday morning
Sunday morning
Sunday morning” ~ No Doubt

Day 90000 of COVID – aka the day I needed to post No Doubt lyrics because my brain is mush.

#sundaymorning #nodoubt #lyrics #readmorebooks #youcameinwiththebreeze #immostlypeaceloveandlightwithalilgofyourself🙏👣🏕💞💯 #yoga #yogilife #coffeetime☕ #followloop #looper #love #happy #debtfreecommunity #financialliteracy #covi̇d19 #quarantinelife😷 #kalidesautelsreads

This is my world.

#mybabies #mykids #brotherandsister #kids #momlife #harrypotter #potterhead #wedogeek #geek #geeklings #myworld #myhappymoments #myhappyplace❤ #happiness #followfriday #followfollowback #followingmydreams #bookstagram #bookstagrammer #raiseareader #kalidesautelsreads

2 years ago I met and fell in love with Girl, Wash Your Face. Like in LOVE love. I don’t think there is a single person that I know that I didn’t either lend this book, give this book, or recommend this book to. I adore it. I can relate to it, and it sets me on fire – in a good way, not a self-immolation way. I have read it multiple times, and follow Rachel Hollis and her family religiously on social media and podcasts. I love them. I adore them. I admire them. Over the last couple of weeks, I have been super anxious and overwhelmed (I know. Clearly it’s just me, because no one else feels like the Fresh Prince with their lives flipped, turned upside down…) and my husband Dave pointed out that I have been listening to some really, really, REALLY depressing and anxiety-inducing books lately. At first I thought “no way! What I listen to isn’t affecting my mood!!”, then I thought about it and realized it is like consumption of any kind – if I listen to books about awful things, awful things will be on my mind. Under normal circumstance, that’s no big deal because I have regular life to temper the intensity. But now? Now there is no normal, so the intensity is not tempered at all.

It got me thinking about motivation – when I listened to Girl, Wash Your Face in 2018, I got so fired up it wasn’t even funny – I became dedicated and excited and tried to do all the things I had ever wanted to try but to anxious to actually do. Today, I knew I wanted to start my yard work, and needed to do some housekeeping, but also knew I really just wanted to lay down. So I took Dave’s words into account, pulled up audible and searched for one of my very first audible selections.

I found today, 2 years and 5 readings later, that Girl, Wash Your Face and Rachel Hollis’ enthusiasm and personal goals still resonates so hard with me. And I can feel that beautiful flame beginning to flicker again. I can feel my motivation beginning to spark, and best of all, I kept my promises to myself and got to gardening with my boy, and did some housework. I kept my promise to myself. Rach would be proud.

#rachelhollis #read

This is Mojo. Mojo is magic. When I learned that there was an opportunity to transition from a maternity leave contract to a freaking PERMANENT position on my team, I have done everything in my power to make myself the ideal candidate for the job. I have been wanting a plant for my bedroom, but could not justify buying one for no reason, when I am blessed to have a window sill of gorgeous greenery, so I told myself IF I was lucky enough to be the chosen candidate, I would bring a little plant magic into my house. And so, after the happiest conversation with my boss, and a little bit of crying and a lot of clapping and grinning, I am so grateful for the Mojo that my parents sent me to celebrate my amazing day!!!!! Oh… also… I am a writer again!!!!💛💚💛💚💛

#mojo #africanplants #african #goodnews #somegoodnews #impact #writersofinstagram #plant #allthegreen #plants #plantbased #celebrate #gratitude #happyday #kalidesautelsreads #canadiancancersociety #stewardship