Originally intended to simply focus on book reviews, over time, KaliDesautelsReads has morphed into its own entity.
I write about issues that are near to my heart, be they political, feminist, motherhood, mental health, or, as the title holds, books.
A thirty-something Canadian woman in my mid-thirties, I have been “super married” to my high school sweetheart since 2006, and together we have two crazy, clever, kind, hilarious, wonderful kids.
My first book – How Not To Blog: Finding Myself, One Post at a Time is available on Amazon (in eBook formats for you clever tech readers, and paperback for those of us who love that new book smell!)
I have tried a podcast – it’s still on Apple and Google Podcasts – but writing is where my heart is.
My life changed dramatically when my husband was diagnosed with Stage 3 cancer in 2018, and I am now a writer for a leading Canadian Cancer Non-Profit.
I am lucky enough to have a family that loves me and pushes me to be my best, even if it is outside of my cushiony comfort zone. I have a village of friends that nourish me, mentally, and spiritually.
Welcome to my thoughts. Sit down. Stay a while. Enjoy a cup of coffee!
There is a way of entering the forest when the breeze of the trees becomes your guide
when the cool gray-green days and humid blue-green nights become your own skin
where the unfurling paths through the emerald light become flowing streams.
Paths as luminous rivers for your two uncovered feet, salmon-like and aching, to work out their strange haunted yearning for a home whose vista they haven’t yet seen yet somehow know just the same.
There is a way of approaching the self without a heavy hand when the heart-mind slowly becomes unburdened by the past,
where the body listening with the whole of itself finally becomes attuned to all the subtle happenings in the realm not yet stained by the faithless world of man.
Madam Vice-President Kamala Harris has taken the oath of office. She has shattered another glass ceiling for BIPOCs and women in the United States, and offered an example to children all over the world. She is showing them that there can be change for the good. There can be beautiful sunny mornings, after years of gloom.
This is not about political parties or political leanings. This is about removing barriers for people everywhere, especially those who are or have been discriminated against.
So this morning, my kids were late to school as I asked them to sit with me and witness an historic moment in North America. I wanted them to witness this as close to in person as they could. I want them to remember this moment, and to continue to build on this legacy. I want them to see hope and potential.
It’s easy to focus on the great void in space and be thrilled that it is vacant, but that is beside the point and divisive. We have watched history be made and now we continue the hard work that has made it possible for an Asian-American, African-American woman to become the Vice-President of one of the most influential global powers. This is another beginning.
Tonight is monumental – it is the last night that one of the craziest people on earth has access to nuclear launch codes. It’s the last night that a woman of colour has never served in the 2nd highest office in the United States. It’s the last night that I will go to bed thinking that our neighbour to the south might be starting the next world war. It is a monumental night.
Tonight, I get to lay in my bedroom, surrounded by things that remind me of my favourite people listening to music recommended by one of my favourite people, enjoying the peace, and feeling at peace.
Everything I am wearing, from my necklace to my onesie to my engagement ring to my slippers or that my eyes rest on were given or made or remind me of someone that I love, and who loves me. Flare or no flare, this is a good night.
Music – #evermore by @taylorswift
dory #sign by @mj_ravenpuff
slippers from @monaaxox
weddingportrait with @stagethreestudio
nameart from #Hawaii and #victoria
happyplace sign from my mommy
leathercuff by my talented husband
Sometimes it’s nice to remember that even when I have a challenging day that I am incredibly blessed. I am incredibly blessed, and incredibly loved.
Who the heck knows? If it looks like a horse, sounds like a horse, and smells like a horse, it probably isn’t a zebra.
But this? It looks like a horse, sounds like a duck, and smells like a puppy. So it’s probably fibromyalgia.
Thank you for playing! If you too suffer from symptoms of everything, have every thing show up as “normal”, are thought to be a lunatic hypochondriac, chances are you are also a winner of Is It Illness or Is It Fibromyalgia!!!
We would have tshirts for you, but the labels are itchy, the fabric makes us sweat, and we would have to remember what we were doing and who were we sending it to.
A crucial reminder – honouring Dr King on Martin Luther King, Jr. Day is easy; honouring him and his vision every single day of the year is where we put the work in.
Commit to being anti-racist 365 days per year, every year for the entirety of your life. Commit to raising anti-racist children. Commit to speaking up and amplifying BIPOC voices. Commit to truly honouring the values that Dr King, and his family, including the amazing Coretta Scott King, in our words and actions all year.
Today started with a my favouritest cupcakes in the world, a Stanley/Pretzel Day Birthday card, and a brand new Smash + Tess romper from Danielle on my porch before I even woke up.
It just kept getting better and better as kind words and thoughtful posts and birthday/birthday-ish phone calls were made. My brother found old family videos that showed us as chaotic kids, and my Grampa’s laugh. My family and friends went beyond out of their way to make my COVID birthday one of love and laughter.
My daughter told me today that I have been alive for 5 decades… as I am 38 today, I find that number to be pretty skewed, and will increase her math homework posthaste…
That said, in my advancing years (🙄) I have learned some fundamental truths:
I am perfectly happy feeling connected to people via Zoom and text messages
hiding from stressful situations just makes them worse
speaking up is easier after I started doing it
we don’t have to agree in order to be friends, we just have to be respectful
when I let myself learn, instead of feeling defensive of knowledge gaps, I can find teachers all over the place
my idols are human, and interesting, and just as self-conscious as everyone else
my kids pretty damn funny, smart, and interesting humans who I am glad to have around
my cat is one of my favourite people on earth
all dogs are therapy dogs; some are just freelancing
a clean and tidy house makes me happy
learning how to save money makes me happy
taking responsibility and apologizing for my mistakes really can help make things better
over apologizing can make things significantly worse
my hair will always be crazy, I will never learn how to contour, and that is ok
I can get by on a lot less than I ever imagined
I will always cry way too much the day before I start my period, but that’s ok, because in my 5th decade (🙄) that won’t be around much longer
I am an introvert, but I love people fiercely
making people laugh is my favourite thing
I am really, really grateful that I have the family that I do
“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” ~ Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
January 15th is #BlackShirtDay to honour and commemorate BIPOC and racialized Canadians. As the struggle to dismantle a colonial, white supremacist, heteronormative, cisgendered, Judie-Christian society continues, many of our brothers and sisters continue to be not simply ignored but actively harmed by the pervasive norms.
Today is Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.’s birthday, and with the angry hyper conservative zealotry that we have been witnessing rise back to the surface like a bloated corpse, it is imperative on us to stand in strong, peaceful solidarity, as he would have wanted.
Change is going to come, but it is our responsibility to be the change makers. We cannot ask the people that we, as a society, have oppressed for hundreds of years to be able to make change on their own. This is a mess of our own making, and just as we teach our children to clean up after themselves, we must clean up after ourselves.
So please help.
Please join @arc.vancouver in making Black Shirt Day an annual event in schools and workplaces across the country. Please step up in strength for those that are oppressed. Please use your one voice to amplify BIPOC voices. Make space for advocates and activists. Spread love.
*and yes, I see it, too – the sunlight shows that his black shirt was just a very dark blue. He tried ❤️
Yesterday… yesterday my baby turned 13. This amazing, stubborn, creative, kind, hilarious, silly, clever, empathetic, beautiful young woman is has graced us with her presence for 13 years.
Yesterday… yesterday, I brought her home from the hospital with no idea what I was getting myself into. I was happy, grateful, scared, and deeply in love. I made up little songs where she was cast as a baby cat, or a bean, or a shooby-doo and I brought her everywhere. She slept wherever I put her, she demanded her daddy for bath and bedtime, she sat rapt through her first movie theatre film at 4 months old, she hated nightlights and refused to be cuddled to sleep.
Yesterday… yesterday, she was named and dreamed of years before she was a real, human girl. She surpasses my dreams every day, and as she moves further into her individuality, I cling to any moments of little girlhood and find myself watching her in awe when she is busy being herself.
Yesterday… yesterday, our family and friends turned up in the winter of the COVID-19 pandemic to bring this little, beautiful brilliant young woman joy on her most recent milestone. My dream girl. My magical, amazing, strong, intuitive dream girl is 13 now.
But yesterday? Yesterday she was just a little angel baby girl.
Happy birthday, Danielle. I love you so much and am so grateful to have you in my family and my life.
If you ever wonder what a person means to you, counts the moments. Who the person you are excited to share happy news with? Who do need to vent to? Where do you go when you need love or affection? When did you get your favourite mug and who were you with? Who comforts you when you can’t function and gives you tough love when you need it?
More important than who that person is to you, but who are you to them? Do they share things with you? Do they laugh uncontrollably with you? Do small things remind you of them? Do they demonstrate their love in a million small and big ways every day?
Every year I write a post in honour of your birthday, and every year there are more and more of these moments that are meaningful or funny or kind or important, and I cannot help but be grateful for the more than a decade and a half of you that I have had the immense pleasure of knowing you.
You are wise, funny, brave, clever, beautiful, chic, pragmatic, sensible, cautious, adventurous and strong. You leave every place and person better than when you found them. Those of us who are lucky enough to love you count that blessing wholeheartedly.
I know you are rolling your eyes right about now, but I also know that you know I mean every word of it. You are amazing, and I love you so much. I love what an incredible friend, partner, aunt, daughter-in-law, niece, sister, cousin and every single other role that you manage with grace on a daily basis.
Kali J Desautels 