Kali J Desautels

Dear COVID-19 Quarantiners,

In Canada, some of you may or may not know, that our Prime Minister used to be a middle and high school teacher. So, as much as he is a politician, he is also a teacher. And today? Today, the teacher was FED UP! In his daily press conference, he reached a whole new level of being sick of us and wanting to put us all in detention.

“We’ve all seen the pictures online of people who seem to think they’re invincible. Well, you’re not. Enough is enough. Go home and stay home. This is what we all need to be doing,” Mr. Trudeau informed his disruptive class of roughly 40 million children. His teacher voice and stern face let us know that he was not messing around, and that while yes, he may be the cool teacher who can plank with the best of them, he has his limit, and we have crossed it. He is done seeing us huddled in large groups, hosting weddings, and milling around like a carnival.

We all have reasons as to why we need to leave our homes occasionally. Some of us are not lucky enough to be able to stay inside. We are encouraged to go out for a run on our own, or get some fresh air, or go to work if we have to, or bring groceries to our homebound neighbours. But for those of us who are acting like we are on a glorified vacation, wanting to get out and celebrate turning 19 with a pub crawl, Trudeau is fracking done with us. He warned us, and he warned us, and now we have pushed too far. So, in order to get back on the teacher’s good side, and go back to the fun teacher who wears Star Wars socks on May the 4th, we had better do what he says, and stay home, if we have no reason to be out.

Remember – he said IF we have no reason to be out. This is not calling out people who are doing their best and staying, as a meme my sister-in-law sent me tonight, two beavers apart (get your head out of the gutter, Australia. The beaver is a fine and noble animal, just ask Joe Canuck). Call out culture is not what Mr. Trudeau wants. He is in no mood for us to be lining up at his desk tattling on each other. He wants us to be kind, Canadian, and RESPECT THE RULES.

Sincerely,

Kali Desautels

Lifelong Teacher’s Pet (32 years and holding)

So when I tell myself I have to stay home, it sort of sucks. But when I say I get to stay home with these monkeys, it feels more like a luxury. This one wanted more tiktok time, and I wanted her to get some movement.

She figured out how to do both lol! While repping Uncle Ty!

tiktok #stretchy #stretchystretchy #stretchband #mygirl #annshen #anndangerart #riflepaperco #maketafi #mydaughter #workingfromhome #stayhomechallenge #unicornbaby #unicornbabyroses #kalidesautelsreads

Want to know a secret? I am not the healthiest person alive! I am also not the least healthy person alive. I do have a compromised immune system and right now a stress cold. And I ran out of fresh fruit.

My brother and sister-in-law work hard on their health and have been acting as the quarantine goodwill fairies for all of us who are lucky enough to be in their family/friend group. They are taking care of themselves and each other, functioning through their own fears and very real worries, and then, like they say on an airplane, helping them next person put on their mask.

In order to stretch my ingredients, I turned 2 cups of oat milk and 2 tbsps of chia seeds into 4 cups of chia pudding, topped with blueberries and a mandarin orange for breakfast. Covered the whole thing in gratitude and it tastes pretty amazing.

We will get through. We just have to remember to put out good things, while being cautious and informed. And grateful. Always be grateful.

chiapudding #mandarin #oranges #blueberries #gratitude #attitudeofgratitude #embracethesuck #family #breakfast #love #covid_19 #friends #itsokaynottobeokay #workfromhome #weneedeachother #kalidesautelsreads

It’s ok that you’re not fine. No one expects you to be. No one expects anything right now, and that’s okay, too. How can you expect something that is amorphous? You are probably in your home worrying about your family and friends. You are concerned that you coughed today. Is it dry weather? Allergies? Dust? COVID? While many of us wait in anxiety for daily updates, there are hundreds of people who have never been so busy in their lives. Health care providers, hospital workers, grocery store clerks, pharmacy technicians, public health nurses and doctors, government, researchers, medical scientists are all scrambling to keep us safe, fed, informed, cared for, and treated. They are doing their best to keep society functioning. They are working to find a treatment, or a cure, or at very least keep it from spreading.

I can almost guarantee that no one is alright, and we are all doing what we can to maintain some sense of sanity. Today, I worked at my desk, and tried not to panic about the cough that has been sitting in my throat all day. While I did, my daughter made a pie with my sister, who lives on the opposite end of the country over FaceTime; my brother and sister-in-law dropped off provisions on our porch without any face to face interaction; my dear friends dropped of a beautiful mug (it’s my collection obsession after books) and toilet paper; my husband cleaned our home; my son played with LEGO and his cousin on Fortnite; and my parents staved off their loneliness by adopting 2 kittens.

That sounds okay, right? That sounds like we are all okay? You’re right! It does sound okay! But it’s also not okay – my sister-in-law is worried about her brother quarantined in the UK; my kids couldn’t hug me or kiss me all day just in case my cough is the harbinger of doom; my friends are being run ragged over the inconsistent shipments and demands of the grocery store; my son self-soothes by cuddling in my lap which was not available to him; my work was slowed by the heavy demand on the wifi in my area; my mom is so lonely without her family that the potential of not adopting her new fur babies was heartbreaking to her… I could go on and on, with both okay things and not okay things. But why would I do that? It’s okay to not be okay. It’s okay to feel scared and to feel worried. Just remember – while we are scared at home, feeling useless, we are doing our parts to help our fellow citizens who are feeling more pressure than they have ever felt before.

When you wake up and find a cheerful reminder that right now, we may not be able to spend time together, but we can still enjoy our memories and love each from afar.
Thank you for making me cry in a good way! I love you, @mj_ravenpuff and @mousykat90 ❤️ I am so grateful!

#thebestmemories #besties #happytears #saturdaylove #coffee #love #coffeecup #memories #sweetest #bestiesforlife

Today was a hard day. Not that it was any worse than any other COVID-19 day, not really, but it felt harder. Every conversation felt fraught. Every decision had to be measured. Every choice felt wrong.

For two days I have felt a tightening in my chest, and not in the “I had better get tested” kind of way, but in the “holy shit, the whole world is stopping” kind of way. For 2 days, I doubled my Ativan and played loud music and went for walks and drank tea, and it sort of quelled it. But today? Today my inner beasts got the better of me and the tightening in my chest gave way to gut wrenching, wracking sobs. Not once, not twice, but all. Day. Long.

When I am not sobbing, I am stressing and on the verge of tears. Trying not to think about crying. I am scared. I am afraid. I am frustrated. I am angry. I cannot keep up. Information changes day by day; hell, we’re at the point where it changes minute by minute. What is allowable in the morning is forbidden by the afternoon. What we should do is suddenly something that we must do. The messages are mixed.

“Get outside! It’s good for your mental and physical health!”

“Why are you outside? Flatten the curve, you selfish bitch!”

“Stay in contact with loved ones. But not that kind of contact!”

“Stay in your homes with your immediate families, but also stay away from your family members!! Self quarantine within your self quarantine!”

“Well, you don’t need to be that extreme, come on now! Don’t you think you are being a bit silly?”

If there is one thing that I need in my life, it is rules. I feel safe when someone tells me exactly what to do, when to do it, and how. I am a people pleaser. I try to be everything to everyone. So when the goal post keeps wandering off, I feel so confused and unmoored. I think I am doing the right thing, only to turn around and find out the right thing was two left hand turns ago, and now I am well into “wrong thing” territory.

I am grateful for texting. I am grateful for FaceTime. I am grateful for a flexible organization that’s setting us up to work from home. I am grateful that Dave is past the worst of his cancer. I am grateful for my family and my bestest friends. I am grateful for #quarantwine delivered by ninja cars. I am grateful for my group of meme texts. I am grateful for my parents bringing us all the seafood. I am grateful for my doctor doing telephone appointments. I am grateful for a safe, warm home to keep my kids inside. I am grateful to live in a country where our people are cared for and the government is taking measures to protect us. I am grateful for so much. But today? Today, I’m still sad. I am grateful, but I am frustrated. I am grateful, but I am confused. I am grateful, but I am afraid.

Today was a hard day. Not really any harder, and probably not the hardest. Just hard. If you’re having a hard day, remember, like the East High Wildcats, we’re all in this together. It sucks. But at least we aren’t alone.

It’s St Patrick’s Day. I’m usually all over making either an everything green, or a traditional Irish dinner every year. No, we’re not Irish, as far as I know, but I am all over a celebration that talks about luck and blessings. Plus, in my understanding he chased all the snakes out of Ireland! (Allegory, you say? Meh! Don’t ruin it for me!!)

March 17, 2020 was not typical for us. There were no shamrocks, no Shamrock Shakes, no Kiss Me I’m Irish napkins, no over the top feast of stew, soda bread, and the honorary can of Guinness (which never gets opened, and then is annually donated to my best friend’s husband). None. There were chicken legs in the air fryer for the kids, smiley face McCain’s mash potato/fries/thingies, and Brussels sprouts. There was my annual insistance that my green eyes absolutely DO count as wearing green, and there was anxiety.

I certainly would have liked to do something for my kids, but between the overwhelming anxiety and fear, the lack of ability to enter the community, work, and everything else, it was not something that became prioritized. We did math, we did reading. I listened to a less than great audiobook by the daughter of BTK – if you are looking for harrowing hiking trails and a Christian rebirth, then this may just be the book for you! I tried to convince my 12 year old daughter filling Saran Wrap with beverages and popping them in her mouth was a choking hazard. This tiktok trend called jelly fruits (interesting since there is no fruit, nor jelly anywhere to be found) seems to promote the idea that if your parents didn’t let you bite a balloon and choke on it as a baby, here is you second shot as have a thin piece of plastic lodged in your windpipe!!! YAY!! UnicornBabyRoses trying to collect her inheritance early

I went for a dreary walk with my friends – the clouds did not part for us as they did on Monday. We saw gorgeous open areas and trees, but I just could not bring my brain around to find the glad. I felt despondent and weary. I was just tired.

COVID-19 continued to fear its ugly head, with 3 more reported deaths and nearly 100 new cases. Bars were ordered to close indefinitely. Public schools were ordered to cease operation indefinitely. Restaurants would only be able to offer take out. The social distancing was increased from 1 meter to 2 meters. Groups congregating would have to be less than 50 people, down from the initial mandate of 250 people. The borders to the US (the last open border) were closed for non-essential travel. A member of my extended family, and someone extremely important to members of my family was quarantined in the UK. There is no way to know when or if this person will be allowed home in the near future.

And yet? And yet we still have reports of such craven selfishness that people are taking it upon themselves to “prove” that this thing isn’t real. It’s hyped up. It’s no big deal. They wander amongst the population putting everyone, including the most vulnerable sections of the same at risk. They clear out grocery stores of needed items of food. They laugh when they selfishly purchase all the meat/toilet paper/sanitizer/Lysol they can find, assuming that they could sell it at a premium. People loudly proclaim that this is all a hoax… days before they are rushed to hospital with nasty symptoms that would stand to reason as COVID19. There is a feeling that humanity is falling apart and that the irreconcilable differences of the last few years have come up when we need to care for each other more than ever. There is a feeling that things can, and will get worse. There is a feeling that all the dystopian authors and filmmakers were more prescient about human nature than anyone else.

And yet? And yet, there are store opening special early morning or evening times for the elderly or those with special needs. There are people sharing information. There are people picking up needed supplies for their friends or neighbours. There is space in the deep freeze for your siblings to put their food. Yoga studios are live-streaming classes for yogis who cannot attend the now shuttered fitness studios. People are going outside. My parents dropped bags of vegan meat and seafood and lactose free milk at our door on a total, but most welcome surprise! For once conversations are about something major, with severe repercussions, rather than about the other moms at the school drop off. Our cars are parked. We are lowering our overall waste and greenhouse gas emissions. The planet is healing, and if we can follow these simple, but apparently terrible mandates and rules together, we may just be able to get through this without Thanos snapping away half of the world’s population.

WCW – my mom and my daughter. Last night I was struggling to order some groceries get us over the hump. My usual money-saving practice of order from Flashfoods (if you have app you know, and if you don’t yet, so now!!!) is not an option because there is no food nearing its expiry date, so unless I plan to feed my kids premixed icing, there is nothing to buy locally.

Then at 10:30pm, my mom magically appeared on my front porch with vegan “meat” and seafood for our family. If social distancing wasn’t mandated I would have kissed her from relief!

Sometimes, when things are scary, we just want our mommies. I am no exception💛

mom #mommy #thankful #momsavestheday #womancrushwednesdays #groceryshopping #groceryhaul #covid #coronavirus #kalidesautelsreads

“If you are abroad, it’s time for you to come home.” PM Justin Trudeau March 16, 2020

I went for a walk this morning with one of my best friends, and as we tramped in the early morning sun, I decided that I felt grateful that the weather was refusing to dim because my mood, our moods, and the general feeling in the air was somber and on edge. It was a weird, beautiful feeling that God/the Universe/Mother Nature/The Goddess/Allah/whomever you believe in/the meteorologist(?) was lending us this beautiful day because they knew that we would need all the help we could get to keep from full fledged pandemonium. COVID-19 is real. It’s really real, and we are social distancing and self isolating, and doing all the things that can result in depression in a person, like me, who is prone to mental health struggles. The Universe cleared the air and pulled me out of doors to remember to play the Glad Game.

After our walk, my friend left to care for her piggies, and to get the rest she would definitely need to manage her workload. She works the graveyard shift at one of the local grocery stores, and knew that today would be weird. The order would be huge, 5 times larger than a usual evening. The cleaning supplies and toilet paper, should they arrive at all, would be to replenish shelves that had never been so bare. People are scared.

I returned to my quiet home, kids and Dave still snug in their safe beds and began to work while I waited for the promised 10AM press conference, refilling my coffee twice while I waited for Trudeau to appear. I wanted reassurance. There would be none today.

The incongruity of the beautiful, brilliant blue sky against the knowledge that our borders were to be closed to all non-Canadians and permanent residents struck me. It reminded me of the last time that I was glued to the news with a similar feeling of dread – September 11, 2001. The brilliant blue sky, bright sunshine, and freshness of the air didn’t fit with the anxiety and, as one of my best friends aptly called it, a sense of doom.

Prime Minister Justin Trudeau appeared 40 minutes late to address Canadians, and he was an embodiment of the anxiety that has gripped our world over the last few weeks, and particularly the last few days. When the leader of your nation is beautiful enough to appear on Rolling Stone, it is rare to see him looking tired and rumpled, hair out of place, eyes tired, skin pale. The moment he descended the steps of his home and took his place at the podium conveniently placed on his drive, it was clear that things were worse than I had expected, known, or hoped.

There will be no train rides into the city for a while. There will be no rides anywhere at all. Work will be done at home. Even if I could convince my crummy immune system to go out in public, what would I do? There is no where to go. As of today offices are closing. Borders are closing. Bars and restaurants are closing. Casinos are closing. Museums. Airports. Theatres. Stores. Malls. Starbucks. Sporting events. Tim Horton’s. Schools. Libraries. Gyms. My yoga studio. My meditation space. My volunteer commitments are on hold. BC Ferries is allowing people to remain in their vehicles on the car decks. Universities are releasing their students to study online without the infrastructure to handle that.

It’s hard to reconcile this world and to parent responsibly in the uncertainty. It’s hard to instil caution, without tipping into panic. My kids are intuitive and can tell when things are weird or not right. How much do they need to know about the scariness? I don’t want to be an alarmist, but I need them to be aware of the world around them. The rolling of the eyes and the mamaaaaaaaaas can get me to the point that I want to shout “are you crazy???? We are not going to the damn mall to get sick just to get jello!” But somehow I think that seeing their mother absolutely lose her mind would be more upsetting than anything they would see outside.

I will continue to watch the news; to plan for the worst and hope for the best. I will continue to feel grateful that people are so easily connected now, that we can strive to avoid falling victim to the loneliness that will pull us out of our self-isolation. We can still see what is happening in the world. We can still get food. We can still talk to our best friends and our family. We can still move forward, and hopefully pull together – leaving a metre between us, in groups of no more than 50 – and save each other.

“VILLAGER #1: We have found a witch, might we burn her?
CROWD: Burn her! Burn!
BEDEVERE: How do you know she is a witch?
VILLAGER #2: She looks like one.
BEDEVERE: Bring her forward.
WITCH: I’m not a witch. I’m not a witch.
BEDEVERE: But you are dressed as one.
WITCH: They dressed me up like this.
CROWD: No, we didn’t — no.
WITCH: And this isn’t my nose, it’s a false one.
BEDEVERE: Well?
VILLAGER #1: Well, we did do the nose.
BEDEVERE: The nose?
VILLAGER #1: And the hat — but she is a witch!
CROWD: Burn her! Witch! Witch! Burn her!
BEDEVERE: Did you dress her up like this?
CROWD: No, no… no… yes. Yes, yes, a bit, a bit.
VILLAGER #1: She has got a wart.
BEDEVERE: What makes you think she is a witch?
VILLAGER #3: Well, she turned me into a newt.
BEDEVERE: A newt?
VILLAGER #3: I got better.
VILLAGER #2: Burn her anyway!
CROWD: Burn! Burn her!
BEDEVERE: Quiet! quiet! Quiet! There are ways of telling whether she is a witch.
CROWD: Are there? What are they?
VILLAGER #2: Do they hurt?
BEDEVERE: Tell me, what do you do with witches?
VILLAGER #2: Burn!
CROWD: Burn, burn them up!
BEDEVERE: And what do you burn apart from witches?
VILLAGER #1: More witches!
VILLAGER #2: Wood!
BEDEVERE: So, why do witches burn?
[pause]
VILLAGER #3: B–… ’cause they’re made of wood?
BEDEVERE: Good!
CROWD: Oh yeah, yeah.
BEDEVERE: So, how do we tell whether she is made of wood?
VILLAGER #1: Build a bridge out of her.
BEDEVERE: Aah, but can you not also make bridges out of stone?
VILLAGER #2: Oh, yeah.
BEDEVERE: Does wood sink in water?
VILLAGER #1: No, no.
VILLAGER #2: It floats! It floats!
VILLAGER #1: Throw her into the pond!
CROWD: The pond!
BEDEVERE: What also floats in water?
VILLAGER #1: Bread!
VILLAGER #2: Apples!
VILLAGER #3: Very small rocks!
VILLAGER #1: Cider!
VILLAGER #2: Uhhh, gravy!
VILLAGER #1: Cherries!
VILLAGER #2: Mud!
VILLAGER #3: Churches — churches!
VILLAGER #2: Lead — lead!
ARTHUR: A duck.
CROWD: Oooh.
BEDEVERE: Exactly! So, logically…
VILLAGER #1: If… she… weighs the same as a duck.. she’s made of wood.
BEDEVERE: And therefore?
VILLAGER #1: A witch!
CROWD: A witch! A witch! A witch!” ~ Monty Python and The Holy Grail

Timon as Villager #3

montypython