We’re doing our best.
We are tired, we are anxious, but we are trying.
She and I are very alike, which inevitably leads to head-butting. We both feel anxious at times, and sometimes those times coincide. We both have autoimmune disorders, so I try to empathize, but sometimes my empathy button is broken, and I lose my patience. She tries to be grown up and confident, but sometimes her confidence breaks and she lashes out.
We both fear making mistakes and doing the wrong thing. We both fear disappointing people and ourselves. We both fear failure. We both feel like imposters a lot of the time.
But we are trying.
Sending her to school scares me for now, and not sending her to school scares me for her future. Going to school scares her, and not going to school bores her. We’re doing our best.
Today, we are both sitting at the kitchen table writing. It’s sunny and quiet, but it’s not necessarily calm. We have had disagreements this morning and now we are trying to move forward quietly and together.
We’re just doing our best.