I used to be a more prolific social media poster. I would write posts and book reviews and share things and repost things sometimes dozens of times a day. I worked really hard at it and was proud of myself when I produced something that resonated or was well written. I would stay up until 3 or 4 in the morning just writing everything that came into my head and I would feel satisfied once I had posted it to Instagram or Facebook or often both.
Now though I struggle to find anything worth sharing. Ever since I started my medication to balance my Bipolar Disorder II, I have found that either I have less to say, or rather less that I feel the need to share publicly. Things I once shared publicly I now find myself sending in a private text message. I will open Instagram with every intention of writing something funny or meaningful or something that I feel is important only to find myself at a loss for words. Then I question whether what I have to say is actually funny or meaningful or important, and close the app.
I don’t know if I will ever find the drive to share like I used to, or if I will ever go back to how I used to be, or if I will find a new way to share things that matter to me. I hope so, because I love to write and I love to engage with you all and I don’t want to lose my voice, but I am also content to have found a better balance in my mental health.
I guess like all things there are seasons and transitions. Maybe that’s what this is. Maybe I will once again post regularly and maybe I won’t. I don’t know. What I do know is that I am happier and mentally healthier than I have been in years, and for now that is enough for me.