I have been feeling down the last few days, and today has been no exception. I would like to be in a happier mood and have tried willing myself through positive thinking. Alas, it has come to no avail. I am inexorably sad.
I’d like to point out that this is not the same as when I feel deeply depressed. This is just a continuing low mood, where I feel overly emotional and hyper sensitive. There is no dark deep hole. There is no desire to stay in bed and there is no feeling that even brushing my teeth is too much.
Why am I sharing this? Because in the interest of showing all sides of my mood disorder (bipolar disorder 2), I think it is important to note that sometimes even while undergoing treatment things will make us sad. It’s important to note the difference between sadness and depression. Being down or overly sensitive does not mean that I am depressed, if doesn’t mean I went off my meds; in fact, it shows that my meds are working and allowing me to feel a whole range of emotions. I am no longer stuck in a cycle of hypomania and deep depression. I have a balance. I have days where I am inexorably happy, and nothing will bring me down, I have middling days where ordinary things mean that my day was neither awful nor fantastic, and like today, I have sad days where I am content to go about my quiet day and just accept that I am in a bad mood.
So today I am down. Tomorrow I might be up. Who knows? All that I know is that being treated for BPD2 let’s me function and allows me to find balance and hope that “tomorrow will be a new day with no mistakes in it yet.” (Yes, I will always quote Anne Shirley. Always.)
Originally intended to simply focus on book reviews, over time, KaliDesautelsReads has morphed into its own entity.
I write about issues that are near to my heart, be they political, feminist, motherhood, mental health, or, as the title holds, books.
A thirty-something Canadian woman in my mid-thirties, I have been "super married" to my high school sweetheart since 2006, and together we have two crazy, clever, kind, hilarious, wonderful kids.
My first book - How Not To Blog: Finding Myself, One Post at a Time is available on Amazon (in eBook formats for you clever tech readers, and paperback for those of us who love that new book smell!)
I have tried a podcast - it's still on Apple and Google Podcasts - but writing is where my heart is.
My life changed dramatically when my husband was diagnosed with Stage 3 cancer in 2018, and I am now a writer for a leading Canadian Cancer Non-Profit.
I am lucky enough to have a family that loves me and pushes me to be my best, even if it is outside of my cushiony comfort zone. I have a village of friends that nourish me, mentally, and spiritually.
Welcome to my thoughts. Sit down. Stay a while. Enjoy a cup of coffee!
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