What did you dream of when you were little? What did you want to be when you grew up? Did you do it, or did your dream change as you aged?
My siblings reminded me recently that my dream as a child was to help people. I wanted to open a women’s shelter, or work for a charity that would help make the world a better place. As I got older, I ran into barriers to this dream, and adapted to what I believed that I would be able to do. I looked at what I saw as do-gooders, and didn’t see how my temperament, skills or strengths could fit in. I am an introvert, so I couldn’t run debates, or give speeches; I don’t like blood, or needles and do not have the immune system to work in the medical field; I don’t have the strength or stamina to be an athlete for a cure; and most of all, I have a huge, overwhelming, tragic fear of failure, and of letting people down. So I didn’t do anything. I thought maybe I would be a choreographer, or a fashion designer, but I didn’t think I was as good as other dancers, so there was no point int trying that; and I hate sewing, and am a weak artist, so I felt like that was off of the table. So I stuck to the basic things that I could do – I could be an administrator. I could work in retail. I eventually realized that I could proofread and edit. I wanted to move into social justice, or non-profit, but most of what I found required a degree in social work or 5 years experience, of which I had neither.
Fast forward to me a month shy of my 37th birthday and I am finally moving into type of job that I had always wanted. Way back when I knew that people could help other people, and that that was an ambition. Back when I didn’t know that I COULD fail. Back when I wasn’t so convinced in my lack of prowess and ability.
Why am I so excited to be moving into my new role with the Canadian Cancer Society? Because the 8 year old Kali, who didn’t know that she would become scared A LOT is cheering loudly inside my head and asking me what the heck took me so long.
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