Kali J Desautels

Women’s March – Petition to End Family Separations in The US

This HAS to stop. This is not about the US – this is a HUMAN problem. The United States is committing human rights violations that are prohibited by the United Nations. If the global community does not step in and intercede, we are complicit in what is tantamount to some of the worst violations in recent memory. Allow me to clarify – governments that have stolen people’s children include, but are not limited to:

– The Nazi Regime

– Canada – First Nations, Ukrainians, Japanese, Jewish Refugees, Italian Canadians

– Apartheid government in South Africa

– The National Reorganization Process in Argentina

– Australia – German and Austrians during WWI

– Republika Srpska during the Bosnian War

– Pinochet’s dictatorship in Chile

– The People’s Republic of China

– Castro’s Cuba

– Stalin’s Russia

– Finland – Russian children during WWII

– British India

I could go on – but why on Earth should I have to?? I cannot fathom that any right-thinking person would agree that ANY of those regimes bears repeating!! These are HUMANS!! These are CHILDREN!!

Government Sanctioned Child Abuse

I beg of you, all of you, ANY of you to do more than stand idly by whilst a country that prides itself on being “The Leader of The Free World” employs tactics that bely anything but freedom. Speak out, speak up! Reach out to your government, reach out to human rights organizations, reach out to Amnesty International. Just DO something!

Happy Father’s Day! This is my dad. Growing up, he taught me so many things that make me who I am today. If you are going to do something, do your best. Be tenacious. Set a goal. Dream big. Do not burn bridges. Be diplomatic, but do not deviate from your beliefs. Laugh loudly. Keep your family close. There is no limit to what you can achieve. Work hard. Work harder than that. Setting a low bar may be achievable, but setting a high bar and pulling yourself over it is so much more gratifying. Be proud of yourself. Own your weird. Do good. Be good. Be generous. Love hard. Just because you are paranoid does not mean they aren’t out to get you. Read ALL the time. Take notes. Ask questions. Toot your own horn. Toot everyone’s horns. Show up. Run late (ok, so maybe that is not one of the BEST qualities that I picked up from him…). Rest when you need it, but push through as far as you can first. Never, ever, ever say an unkind word against your spouse. That a wise man once said…

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Thank you, Daddy, for being the wise man. Love you so much. ❤️

I am an introvert. I know. People tell me all the time that that cannot be, as I am loud, and colourful, and sparkly, and love to laugh. But I also need my space. I need to physically remove myself from large groups of people, and after work, all I want to do is go home and lay in my bed, snuggling my kids and reading a book. I need that mental break.

I am a people pleaser. I go out of my way to say yes to everything. Go to dinner? Yes! Go to a movie? Yes! Go camping? Yes! Hang out? Yes! Babysit someone’s kids? Yes! I say yes soooo often that sometimes I double book myself. Sometimes I agree to things with people I don’t even really want to spend time with because saying no makes me feel like I am letting people down. So I say Yes!

Now, as an introvert, all these yesses get my anxiety up and out of control. I literally cannot say yes to everything, live my life and be all things to all people. It’s not doable. When I say Yes! I genuinely have every intention of following through, and am excited at the time at the prospect of whatever I have agreed to. But then life happens, and every so often, I will get a text asking to reschedule, and it feels like the balm to my soul. People cancelled and now I have time to curl up and do my stuff, without guilt.

Now this is the part that brings me shame – I am saying Yes! to everything so that I don’t let people down, but then I overwhelm myself and I end up flaking out on people. I give up because I cannot bring myself to go out, or I have not got room in my budget for the event that I thought would be fun, but forgot to budget for. This ends up being more disappointing than if I had said no in the first place.

I had a conversation with a friend at work today, and it really gave me pause. My friend is a confident, well spoken, smart, funny, awesome woman, and she told me that she absolutely hates it when someone “bails” on her. She says she feels disrespected; and suddenly, all these years of people being annoyed with me for being late or for rescheduling, or for cancelling all together took on a different light. I always thought that as I feel relief at cancelled plans, others did, too. But I realize that maybe that isn’t true. Maybe instead of giving them back time that they would have “wasted” with me, they are feeling that I do not respect them or their time, and that maybe the time with me would not feel like a waste. Maybe my siblings, friends, family, coworkers actually want to spend time with me.

In my attempt to please everyone, I am not pleasing anyone at all. And in cancelling, I am making my friends and family feel like they are not valued. They feel like I am not showing up for them, and there is seriously nothing in this world that would make me want to make the people I love feel that way. So, to that end – if you have ever felt disrespected by my flakiness, please, please know that it was not meant in that way, and that from now on, I will hold myself to a higher standard.

And to my friend who finally explained to me what everyone else has probably been feeling – thank you. Thank you so so so much.

TGIF!! It’s Friday!! Today, we are flashing back to the day in Manhattan when I came face to face with my favourite publishing house – reminding me that dreams only stay dreams if you do not pursue them!

I have always dreamed of publishing a novel… maybe now it’s time to finish what I started… #FlashbackFriday #kalidesautelsreads via @RiplApp #simonandschuster #writer #published #publish #dream #novel #writethebook #book #dreams #bigdreams #fbf #sfs #f4f #followforfollow #bookstagram #book #follow4follow

❤️❤️❤️❤️

As Rachel would say – Oh my gosh, you guys! This book was so freaking good, so endlessly inspirational, so flipping relatable that as soon as I finished it, I LITERALLY went back to the beginning and immediately started it over again. Part memoir, part self help book, Hollis wrote 240 pages of witty, ironic, funny, darling and amazing insight. As CCO of Hollis Co. (formerly Chic Media), Hollis built her own media corporation from the ground up. Becoming a social media influencer, Hollis is one part Mommy Blogger, one part Entrepreneur and two parts ultra-relatable. Her stories resonated with me, her goals have inspired me. She expostulates wallowing, encouraging her readers to be as big and to imagine as much as they want to be, without ever letting anyone force them into a smaller space. While there is a strong Christian base to her writing to which I was not cognizant when I picked up her book, BUT do not allow that to deter you from picking up the book. She is clear that although she is Christian, she does not discriminate or preach. Between her straight up declaration of her personal journey through discovering her privilege, and acceptance of all races, religions, genders, orientations, etc., to her references to “hand to dog” (yep, you read that correctly), Rachel Hollis is someone that I highly, HIGHLY recommend. (240 pgs)

@msrachelhollis #rachelhollis #chic #girlwashyourface #selfhelp #memoir #mama #women #girl #believe #dreambig #dream #goals #mommy #blogging #review #bookstagram #books #book #blogger #momlife #bibliophile #read #readers #reads #reading #kalidesautelsreads #follow #follower #followforfollow #sfs #f4f

This week, I am fully motivated to crush goals! So who better to crush on than a woman who goes for what she wants? A woman who speaks her mind and doesn’t care what people think about her? Today’s #WCW is #Madonna #WomenCrushWednesday

via @RiplApp #nomakeup #makeupfree #beautiful #smart #strong #tough #amazing #strongwomen #feminism #feminist #dreambig #big #goals #goal #happy #bookstagram #singer #actress @madonna #writer #motivation #midweekmotivation

Daring to imagine and dream big. Thank you @msrachelhollis, for your inspiring book, #GirlWashYourFace. It reminded me that I do not have to make myself small, or let my dreams stay small. I want big things, and it’s not too late to do big things!!

#rachelhollis #blogging #followers #f4f #blogger #follower #goals #goalcrusher #crush #dream #dreambig #AU #graduate #faith #havefaith #writethebook #book #happy #thankful #gratitude #big #proud #love #followforfollow #followme #follw4follow #sfs #s4s #kalidesautelsreads

Sometimes days are great. There’s no particular reason, they just are. I woke up, pulled together an outfit in which I felt good, got the kids fed and off to daycare, made it to work on time, while listening to a fantastic blogger (Rachel Hollis) read a book that she wrote. I arrived at work on time, not as early as I would have liked, but still on time. I proceeded through a good day – accomplished work that needed doing, put out minor fires (I’m not a fire fighter, but seriously, as an Executive Assistant, there are always fires that need putting out), shipped a parcel to my sister and my nephew, shipped something that I had sold online, dropped off charity bags, did my banking, paid my property tax (all in my 30 minute lunch break mind you! Gotta love when the lines are in my favour!), finished off my day, thinking it had been smooth sailing.

And then… just as I am heading out the door, knowing I will be able to get to the daycare on time, I am stopped by a colleague that noticed another fire smouldering in a corner… so back to booting my laptop, calling Purolator, hunting down the errant parcel, re-directing it, and closing down again… crisis averted. Until my coworker and friend says “Kali, does your daycare charge you when you are running late?”… yep… a dollar a minute… “GO!!” she says as she shoos me out the door. I run to my car, and pray for decent traffic.

The odds are again in my favour! It is a GREAT day. I make it to my end of town in time to pick up a plant, gas up my car and still make it to the daycare with 5 minutes to spare. When I opened the door, my kids start going nuts that they want all you can eat tacos… it was tempting to go to a restaurant and fast food it, but given that we had just started our simplification and low waste movement yesterday, I figured it was a bit soon to give up and go for take out. I offered to make tacos, to which my daughter whined “but it won’t be all you can eat!” as though the idea of overconsumption of quasi-Mexican food would win me to her cause. Then my son started shouting out different restaurants, and foods, as we drove to the store. They had convinced themselves that I would give in. I did not. But I firmly, and contentedly, purchased what we were missing for a taco dinner. This had been a great day. It could only continue. Right?

Well, this is where the wheels really started to come off – my son decided he needed Gatorade. And chips. And cookies. And candy. My daughter wanted Pocky. Or maybe Oreos. Or maybe cookies? I reminded them we were just hungry and it was dinnertime.

Back in the car, my daughter started asking to play with her friend… I reminded her that she had chores, homework, dinner then bed. At home, my son started to climb on the remaining charity bags in my kitchen. My daughter decided it wasn’t her turn to do the cat chores. My son wanted to wear a giant blanket around the kitchen, knocking things to the ground. My daughter had a million things to talk to me about, which I really loved, except for the fact that she has taken to speaking in a very silly, babyish, lisping voice that is nothing like her real voice, and it just grates on my last nerve. (I know. I am totally mom of the year…)

In the midst of the dinner/chore/lunch packing/chaos that is my family in the evening, my husband came home from a long day. He was tired, and sore, both from his job and from my brother’s Ninja Warrior birthday on the weekend. I tried to slow down through dinner, while fielding texts from coworkers and friends, trying, albeit not very well, to remember that dinner table is family time and I am not a 15 year old who should be texting. After dinner, I tried to remind myself that tired as I was, it had been a great day. Things had, overall, gone well. There had been no disasters. There had been no trips to the hospital. And then bedtime brought a fight. Nothing worth noting here, but let’s just say it put a damper on the day, and caused everyone to be going to bed 3hrs late, me to be “putzkying” around my kitchen until 1:00AM (I am truly my mother’s daughter), pitting cherries, and washing dishes. I decided to put Rachel Hollis’ Girl, Wash Your Face back on, and while I listened to her stories of gratitude, I was compelled to blog this.

On days when things start to go badly, there is an easiness to writing the day off as a bad day. But when you sit down and take stock of your day, or your week or your month, it’s just not that bad. If no one has died, and there have been no fires (like, actual firefighter fires), your cat is still home, you have food to feed your kids, you have friends and a job, a telepathic mommy that you can call when you feel at your wits end, and randomly texts you at exactly the moment you needed her (or a bff, or a sister, or a neighbour, or… you get the idea), then it’s ok to let go of the not so great stuff – the whining, the fighting, the relentless demand for tacos – and think – yeah, sometimes days are just great.

I have a stomach bug today. I have a fever, and chills; I have been in and out of the washroom today, alternating between vomiting and diarrhea. My head is pounding my body is aching, and I sort of feel like I want to die.

You read this and think, “ugh! I hope you feel better!”, while thinking to yourself that you will try not to stand too close to me for a few days.

I have depression and anxiety. I cannot get out of bed; everything hurts, my head is pounding and I cannot stop crying. The idea of putting on my makeup and going to work sounds like climbing Mount Everest. I sort of feel like I want to die.

You read this and think “ugh! There she goes again. She really needs to get her shit together and toughen up. We all have issues, I don’t see what is the big deal. I was up late last night, and don’t want to get up for work, either,” while thinking to yourself I am going to mute her texts for a few days.

In both of these true scenarios, I am ill. I am feeling so low and so miserable; yet in the first scenario, I am deserving of your sympathy. In the second scenario, I am a drain on your energy. In the first scenario, you are avoiding me to keep from getting yourself sick, but I will not get sicker, and will probably start feeling better in a day or two; in the second scenario, you are avoiding me to avoid the irritation of my “whining”, but I will continue to get sicker.

Depression lives in a vacuum. Isolation makes it worse, and loneliness and shame are it’s food. When we are shocked when someone we loved has died, we feel sad; when we are shocked that someone we love has died by suicide, we feel angry. We act like this is totally unexpected, and how could we have seen it coming??

Maybe you could have checked your text messages, and come by to see if I have enough tissue. Maybe you could have called to see if I needed ice cream. Maybe you could have just come and sat with me. But most of all, maybe you should have listened, and let me know that it was ok to open up. Maybe you should have tried to feel more comfortable with my anxiety than you are with my vomiting.

Please stop feeling surprised that suicide is a thing. Please stop talking about this and sharing the suicide hotline only when a celebrity that you liked dies. Please be open to the dark, even if it is hard. No one wants to kill themselves; no one wants to be depressed or anxious; and sometimes, when we think you are pushing too hard and we get upset, remember you are doing the right thing. We need you during the darkest bits, even if we don’t want to admit it.

If you feel suicidal or depressed, and do not feel like you can talk to anyone please, please, please reach out to your local suicide prevention organization. Suicide Prevention Canada

*thank you to my family and friends who dragged me out into the light when I just didn’t know how to get there myself. You saved me and I am eternally grateful.

If this week of high profile suicides does not shed light on the necessity to end the stigma of mental illness, I do not know what will.

We are “shocked” and “saddened” by the “sudden and unexpected death” of famous individuals, Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain, but in our daily lives, we either do not speak of these issues, or send out regular, often unconscious, microaggressions about mental illness. Rolling our eyes when someone is too depressed to join us for drinks at a bar; refusing sick days for anxiety related issues; referring to mental illness as weakness or a personal failing… all of which promote the stigma that keep those of us with mental illness firmly shut within our own dark, terrifying thoughts. Even suicide is called selfish and shameful. Therefore, when a mentally ill person is shut off from society, due to social cues, told that their pain is “in their heads”, asked what they could POSSIBLY have to worry/be sad about, trapped in the prison of their brains, and then told that they are selfish for contemplating suicide, it is no wonder that suicides occur. This person feels that there is literally no other option and that they are unnecessary and unneeded, and that as selfish or as shameful as suicide may be, the world is better off without them. This is never the case, but they do not know this if we do not TELL them!!!

We need to open the dialogue about mental illness more often than when the worst happens. We need to let people know that they are valued and that we are listening. We need to make suicide prevention part of our ongoing social discourse. We need to stop being shocked and saddened and we need to start being proactive and humane.