Originally intended to simply focus on book reviews, over time, KaliDesautelsReads has morphed into its own entity.
I write about issues that are near to my heart, be they political, feminist, motherhood, mental health, or, as the title holds, books.
A thirty-something Canadian woman in my mid-thirties, I have been “super married” to my high school sweetheart since 2006, and together we have two crazy, clever, kind, hilarious, wonderful kids.
My first book – How Not To Blog: Finding Myself, One Post at a Time is available on Amazon (in eBook formats for you clever tech readers, and paperback for those of us who love that new book smell!)
I have tried a podcast – it’s still on Apple and Google Podcasts – but writing is where my heart is.
My life changed dramatically when my husband was diagnosed with Stage 3 cancer in 2018, and I am now a writer for a leading Canadian Cancer Non-Profit.
I am lucky enough to have a family that loves me and pushes me to be my best, even if it is outside of my cushiony comfort zone. I have a village of friends that nourish me, mentally, and spiritually.
Welcome to my thoughts. Sit down. Stay a while. Enjoy a cup of coffee!
To finish this weekend’s theme of letting go of external validation, I offer this thought from Warren Buffet – if you can only feel things that are foisted upon you, then you will never truly be happy. Motivation will last for only as long as you are being cheered on. Your heart will break every time someone is rude to you, regardless of whether it has anything to do with you. You cannot allow other people to have that much control over your life. I recommend that as something to ponder on this Sunday night. 🙂
Sunday morning coffee is my favourite coffee of the week. I can enjoy it while sitting with my husband and not be in a rush. I am so happy that today is the last day of the week, because it was not fun. But tomorrow? Tomorrow I start my new job, at my new desk, and I am excited. Tomorrow, I get to have my daughter try going back to school. Tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet. So today I am enjoying my coffee, and looking forward, instead of looking back.
Reading, reading and reading. They have both fallen in love with a series – my girl with @joeygraceffa’s Eden Trilogy, and my boy with the @starwars Jedi Academy. So in the interest of keeping them interested and supine, I ran out to our local book store for book 2 in each series. So far, so good! …
And for the record, those flower stickers are totally there to hide the towel hanging over the banister. 🤣
This excerpt is from Terese Marie Mailhot’s stunning memoir Heart Berries. Her style is aching and raw, highlighting the struggle of Canadian First Nations to find a place in a world that has tried to eradicate them. This line about external validation feels exceptionally poignant, both in the context of Mailhot’s story, and on a grander scale in terms of the place of women. I have always desired that everyone “like” me, I have never liked conflict, and it made my heart hurt to think that I may not be someone’s cup of tea. I wanted to impress people – my parents, my teachers, my friends, random humans at the grocery store, it didn’t matter – so that they would validate my worth and remind me that there was a place for me in the world. …
It has taken me to my mid-30s to even BEGIN to understand that my sense of self cannot depend on what other people tell me. I cannot ask my boss to always praise my work, as I am not 5 years old; I cannot ask my kids to tell me that I am the best mom in the world every five minutes, because it is not their role to make me feel self confident; I cannot ask my husband to list off the 10 things he likes best about me 16 times a day, because he has already told them to me over and over without prompting; I cannot expect my best friend to tell me every single day that I have value, because I should be able to see that in myself. Seeking external validation is the surest way to reach frustration and unhappiness, because the truth of the matter is that no one thinks about you nearly as much as you do, and they certainly are not there to reassure you at all times. …
Do you struggle with this? What measures have you taken to teach yourself to self-validate?
Beginning August 26th through September 30th, when you share your HUMANITY Cover Photo with the #WeAreAllHumanity hashtag on your Instagram profile, Citizens of Humanity will donate $10 to USA for UNHCR to support their work in the Democratic Republic of the Congo in honor of our Issue 12 cover story.
We all have a priority list – work, husband/wife, school, kids, bills, volunteering, activities, friends, family… But often we forget to prioritize ourselves AT ALL!!! How can you do all the things if you don’t care about yourself? How can you be there for your kids, your job, your spouse, your friends, the Universe, if you can’t even feed yourself?? Seriously, you guys! Prioritize yourself!!! You deserve to be on your own list!! If you don’t care about yourself, who will????
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Repost @successencourager with @get_repost
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Make time for yourself, set goals, dedicate time to taking action, incorporate positive habits…it’s not only OK to make you a priority, it’s necessary.
Guess what?!?! My husband… MY HUSBAND… bought me this beautiful, beautiful bouquet of flowers from @bloomingmeadows!!!! Not only are they stunning, local and amazing, but he does NOT like to buy flowers, so this is an EXTRAORDINARY treat. He justified that it came with a jar, which is reusable 🤣 but wow, it was amazing and unexpected!!!
Kali J Desautels 