Kali J Desautels

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Originally intended to simply focus on book reviews, over time, KaliDesautelsReads has morphed into its own entity. I write about issues that are near to my heart, be they political, feminist, motherhood, mental health, or, as the title holds, books. A thirty-something Canadian woman in my mid-thirties, I have been “super married” to my high school sweetheart since 2006, and together we have two crazy, clever, kind, hilarious, wonderful kids. My first book – How Not To Blog: Finding Myself, One Post at a Time is available on Amazon (in eBook formats for you clever tech readers, and paperback for those of us who love that new book smell!) I have tried a podcast – it’s still on Apple and Google Podcasts – but writing is where my heart is. My life changed dramatically when my husband was diagnosed with Stage 3 cancer in 2018, and I am now a writer for a leading Canadian Cancer Non-Profit. I am lucky enough to have a family that loves me and pushes me to be my best, even if it is outside of my cushiony comfort zone. I have a village of friends that nourish me, mentally, and spiritually. Welcome to my thoughts. Sit down. Stay a while. Enjoy a cup of coffee!

Why I Will Not Encourage “Purity” for My Daughter

Purity Ball

This enrages me – it is not what we should be expecting of our girls. And they do not “owe” their virginity to their fathers or their future husbands.

Before you get all angry about how I wouldn’t understand, and in this day and age it never happens, understand this – I believed that withholding sex until my wedding night was a badge of honour and I wore my virginity proudly because I was told that sex before marriage was wrong.

It put a massively, ridiculous amount of pressure on me to be “good”. It taught me that being “good” meant that pleasure from sexual activity was “bad”. It put a huge taboo on sex and helped me to create a mindset whereby being bad meant engaging in activities that were not the domain of little girls.

Would I ask this of my daughter? Never. Nope. I am teaching her to be safe, to understand what is happening in her body, but a healthy ADULT woman includes a healthy sex life and sexual appetite.

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