Everyday I have choices: to sleep in, or wake up early, to drink coffee or water, to cuddle my kids or play on my phone, to work or rest, etc. Everyday I have a choice in my attitude as well – this isn’t as straightforward though. I used to think that self help and inspirational quotes were beautiful but not for me. I didn’t think I could grow or achieve things. I didn’t list goals or focus on dreams, or even have plans for the future, because I didn’t see any reason to. I was who and what I was and that was all there was to it.
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I learned something, though – that is called depression. Not sadness, not laziness, it is a Major Depressive Episode, and it was not something that happened once, it was a chronic and reoccurring disorder that took away my ability to make choices. The medication that I take everyday to keep my depression away also gives me the ability to make these choices everyday. My Cymbalta has allowed me to see my future as something big and bright and bold. It is what allows me to wake up in the morning and write down my goals for the day. I am not ashamed or afraid to admit that I choose to take this medication for a mental illness that I did not choose to have, and that is twice as likely to occur in women as in men, per MDSC.
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Everyday I have choices: I could choose to feel ashamed and hide my mental illness, or I can choose to end the stigma around mental illness by speaking my truth and hoping that at least one person feels less alone.
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Kali J Desautels 
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