Both and Neither

This is me this week –
Pic 1 -dressed up for work and smiling
Pic 2 – following a doctor’s appointment

In pic 1, I am feeling great and ready to take on the world. In pic 2, my hair is matted, I’m in my sweats and I am not ready to take on anything at all.

The one that I intended to post to social media? Pic 1. I could say things like how great my job is, how much fun I am having with my clothes, list of the influencers I have started following for fashion and dressing a plus size body, make a joke about taking a mirror selfie next to my sink and toilet, etc.

Pic 2 was me trying to show my friend how badly I was shaking and to understand what was going on. I couldn’t think of anything funny to say and I definitely couldn’t talk about how great I was feeling. I couldn’t even form a coherent thought about NOT feeling great.

But they are both me. They were within days of each other. They summarize how life works – there are ups and there are downs, and my struggle is not biting off more than I can chew on the Up days, and not completely giving up on down days.

The other thing that these pictures show is how life is much better lived through friend and kinship. It’s easier to enjoy the good days and survive the bad days when we have friends to help us and cheer us on, and to whom we can share the same loving, sage advice that they provide us.

This is me – happy, depressed, striving, sinking, panicking, participating, hiding, reaching out, bold, and fearful. And it’s ok – we can be both and neither all at the same time.

#glow #instagramvsreality #pain #chronicpain #chronicillness #mentalhealth #both #neither #allofme #dressup #hiding #friendship #friends #kalidesautelsreads

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